well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
