Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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