Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
