Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize