all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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