im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
