He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
