Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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