the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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