Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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