He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
