my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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