I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
