Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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