don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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