Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
