So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
