i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
