Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
