I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
