did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
