My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
