You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
