You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
