I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
