i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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