oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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