theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize