Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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