I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
