Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't deserve a penis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
