I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
