Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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