Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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