dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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