He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
