JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
