so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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