So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
