note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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