Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
