I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pants are for mortals
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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