She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
