Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize