I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
