We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
