Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
