i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Barsexuality is the new black.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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