Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is Oprah even human
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
