Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You can't special order awesome
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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