Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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