We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
