did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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