That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
