I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize