Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
