i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
