I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
