next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
