she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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