Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
