ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
