my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
